


A Letter That You'll Never See

by EvillyFriendly



Series: A New Life, A Grand Journey [2]
Category: Final Fantasy XIV
Genre: Gen, Missing home, letter writing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-22
Updated: 2018-12-22
Packaged: 2019-09-25 03:53:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,147
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17113982
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EvillyFriendly/pseuds/EvillyFriendly
Summary: A bout of homesickness drives Bellona to write a letter.





	A Letter That You'll Never See

Bellona tapped her quill against the blank page of paper. She had been sitting there staring at it for half a bell. How was this so difficult? She had so many words that needed to be said, so many things she wanted to say. And yet couldn’t bring herself to write any of them.

This was harder than she thought...

Where could she even begin? What should she say? Did it even matter what she wrote if there was a chance the recipients would never receive this letter?

The idea probably hadn’t been the best one. It had been so long she had spoken to her family. Too long. And part of her longed to know how they were faring in all of this. How are they taking all the news and rumours that must being spreading about her?

She needed some reassurance that they weren’t suffering or being punished for  _her_ crimes. Or that they didn’t resent her for the choices she’s made. Gods, what did they even think her right now? 

 _Father is probably furious._ Especially, since before Bellona had left, the two of them had gotten into a rather heated argument. She and her father had been butting heads for quite a bit before she ran away.Their relationship was never a terrible one but of late the two had been fighting about certain topics. Topics that may have been connected to the reason why she had left.

 _No doubt mother is just as furious. And probably tempted to storm into Eorzea herself to find me._ Icilia was a fearsome woman, with a temper that was rarely shown. But when it did, those facing her wrath would tremble before her. She was a dangerous woman when she wanted to be. And not above leaving a trail of bodies in her wake if that’s what it took to find her daughter again. 

While neither of her parents were the type to become violent when they were angry with her, Bellona did fear what would happen if she had to confront either of them. Neither did she feel she had the courage to do so. Not face to face at least. 

With a letter, she wouldn’t have to necessarily face anyone. She wouldn’t have to see the disappointment in their eyes. Or be interrogated with question after question, as the guilt hammered deeper with each one. 

And thus, one would think writing would be easier. But Bellona was having trouble manifesting the right words on paper. There was so much she felt she needed to explain or justify that she didn’t even know where to start. 

Did she write as if if nothing had happened? Be causal and pretend that she hadn’t run away? Or should she be blunt and straight to the point?

 _Blunt._ Feigning ignorance might only make things worse.  

Sighing, she touched pen to paper, and finally attempted to write something.  

> _Mother…father… _I don’t know if you’ll ever get this letter. But I’m writing it as if eventually you will.__
> 
> _It’s been awhile hasn’t it? I’ve been away from home for a long time. Though no doubt about it, you’ve already heard of my many adventures. I’m not sure how you’re taking it. Though I can imagine you’re not happy about what you’ve been hearing. Exaggerated or not._

The Miqo’te wondered what was even going through their heads every time they heard about something she did or something she was an accomplice in? Probably disbelief…and terror. Their daughter running off, leaving aught but a vague note was panic-inducing enough for any parent. Hearing about her close calls with death in another land was bound to bring them close to dying of shock.

Though probably worse was the sickening feelings of betrayal her family must be feeling…

> _I’m sorry, but I won’t being coming home for awhile. That’s even if I’m allowed to. But I can’t just leave. Not yet, anyway. You probably would never understand…and honestly? There are some days where I don’t even understand the things I’m doing._
> 
> _I know you’re probably more worried than angry at me. I know you both probably have the longest lecture in history waiting for me when I return. As well as the tightest, longest hugs._
> 
> _…I miss you._

Bellona paused. Was it odd to miss a home that one ran away from? It was a question she often asked herself. Why run away if you were only just going to get homesick? 

Yet, no matter how much she tried to hide it, the woman couldn’t lie to herself. It was an odd feeling but she missed home. The little things. The comforts. The warmth. But it wasn’t something she’d willing confide in her friends with. Bellona wasn’t sure how they would even respond. 

And out of fear of a negative response, kept it to herself. 

Shaking her head, she continued to write. 

> _I miss hearing father’s mumbling from his study while he worked. I miss those moments where mother and I would talk for bells, I felt I could talk to her about anything. I miss everything. And maybe one day things could go back to that?_
> 
> _I know you’re disappointed by my desertion and betrayal. I understand that none of my actions are forgivable. But I’m doing this because I want to help Garlemald. It…may not be in a way you like or necessarily approve of, but I’m doing this because I believe I can help things change for the better._
> 
> _I know you don’t like this. I know you don’t understand this. But you’re disapproval isn’t going to make me return home any faster. Just please give me a chance to do something good. I promise once this is all over, I’ll finally return home and things can go back to the way they were. But let me do this first._
> 
> _I love you both and you are never far from my thoughts. I’m doing the right thing. You’ll see._

## Love, Bellona

The Miqo’te stared at the letter, looking at it over and over. How she wished they’d be able to see this. She wished there was someway she could reach out to her family and reassure them that everything was going to be okay. Explain everything to them.

Maybe if she paid the right courier the right amount of gil it could be possible. But if she were caught there could be consequences. And she’d rather not explain to the Eorzean Alliance why she was sending secret missives to Garlemald. Bellona wasn’t ready to expose that secret just yet. 

Sighing, the woman folded the letter, and opened one of her desk drawers. Gently, she placed it inside, amongst the clutter of paper, extra pens, and forgotten arrow shafts in need of repair. 

“One day.” Bellona promised as she slid the drawer closed. 

One day she’d set things right.


End file.
